Poetry in 3s, Part 3

Classified Information

Privileged conversation
leads to drunk ambivalence
All the while I contemplate
your ulterior motive
on why your actions
don't dictate your words

Closing Time
Intentional intentions
and cool spring nights
enlighten my thoughts about you
Meeting for the first time
and spending all I can
to make you think I care
when it's all for nothing


Constant Delay
Intentions thatched in nothing
Flowers end in sudden wonder
A moment's departure
becomes righteous spoilage
Truth whispered
desire shattered
thoughts remembered
Forever more

Ozz stays home on a Friday night; bars simultaneously go out of business

So, this is this first time I've been home on a Friday night in I don't remember how long. I had the opportunity to go to a birthday party tonight, but I obviously passed up on the opportunity. One reason being I'm just worn out from weeks and weeks of unrest, trouble sleeping and not resting on the weekends like I should. I don't attribute my sleeping difficulties to stress as my job isn't really stressful. I think I just need to get a consistent sleep cycle going and go to bed earlier.

Anyway, I'm home. This girl's house (not the one who is having a birthday. She lives with her though) is about 35 minutes away (though it doesn't seem that far away) and is a drive east towards Indiana in the middle of Ohio farm country. If I would have gone, I wouldn't have been drinking given the new rules to myself (which I subsequently broke the past two days, but one was to get free food and the other was a drink with my meal, which is one of the stipulations I set) regarding alcohol. I just think if I went and didn't drink, I would find being there more boring. The last time I was there, I was drinking at a nice clip so it wasn't to the point where I was really drunk, but I was feeling good and had a buzz, but it wasn't full blown. Even then, something about the group of people struck me as boring and unimaginative. I don't know if it's because that group has known each other for longer or what. I know them all from a bar down the street (which is basically a real life version of Cheers).

I don't know if that says something about me as a person or how I happen to perceive other people. There aren't many people who can connect with me on an equivalent level intellectually. I don't know if that's because many people in our generation are disinterested about being intellectual outside of work and just want to blow off steam on a Friday night or if it's because our generation is just not as intellectual as previous generations have been.

On the other hand, it may have progressed to the point where I was using alcohol as a crutch to FIND people interesting (Alcohol: The healthy alternative to a boring society!...?) along with using it as a crutch for other things.

Just seems like I wouldn't have had a good time regardless. The girl who owns the house is the girl I mentioned in the second blog post. I mean, a good reason to go up there would have been to just chat her up and whatnot, but the events from last time led to a moderate level of discouragement. Just bothersome to my self-esteem and my willingness to take the next step.

Anyway, it's 12:30 here in the Midwestern Abyss and I just got finished watching the movie Heat. What a fucking intense movie that was. Pacino and DeNiro are naturals and two of the best actors ever. Some great scene work from them.

Now I have CNBC on and I'll probably watch that until I fall asleep.

Later on, world

Poetry in 3s, Part 2

Checked Baggage

As I move in
you move away
and leave me alone
Cell phones silent
from the night before
as I wait for my flight
to depart from grace

Chocolate Covered Reality

These chocolate covered moments
turn to sour grapes
as I formulate these theorems
that tell of life
and all it has to offer

Circuit Board

Circuits broken
meltdown commences
This chaotic life
nameless and faceless
guides me to nowhere
My destiny disappears
in a burst of fire
as the alarm sounds
warning of impending doom

Poetry in 3s, Part 1

Aluminum Structure

Hair in your face
like ghosts in a house
thinking of escaping
to the twilight
of a soul that burns
for something more
than a life
of burden
and despair

Bar Fly

Constant presence
and constant doubt
on your devotion to me
Questionable tendencies
lead to my blackened fate
as I open the fridge
and grab another beer

Carpet Burn Romance

Egregious tendencies
Force your tensions tighter
This carpet burn romance
You call your life
No longer breathes
As I choke it to death

Ozz attempts to quit drinking; Humanity to suck even more

So, I have decided to quit drinking. This is mainly an experiment as a whole as I've never really gone long periods without having alcohol. The longest I went was two weeks maybe?

Anyway, let me give you a little background on my decision:

I moved into an apartment about 3 months ago (has it been that long already?) and since then I have been drinking more and more, either out of boredom or out of loneliness. I started to get out of control when I would go out on the weekends since the bars were so close to my place. It would get to the point where I'd drive home and not even remember part of the night.

Well, I've known that was stupid for a while and I'm finally doing something about it. I can't really risk doing it anymore because there's too much at stake. I was on my way back from the fitness center at my complex and I ran into one of the leasing agents I have befriended. She told me how she had been in an accident not even 48 hours before. A 22 year old man had been driving his car down a side street with no lights on. He was speeding and had been drinking. He hit the girl's jeep (which she wasn't driving because she had her sister and her sister's boyfriend pick her up) and her sister's car. He totaled her car and the three victims are suing for damages, both emotional and physical.

I hear stuff like this every week it seems. It also doesn't help that I see more and more vehicles with the yellow plates now (the yellow plates signify that the person registered to drive the car has a suspended license due to an OVI (operating a vehicle impaired) conviction).

I'm 25 years old. I have a decent job, a decent car and I'm starting to figure out what it's like to be on my own. I can't go fuck that up by getting pulled over while driving drunk or by hitting a family and potentially killing someone inside.

I know there are other avenues to this. There are a few bars within walking distance I could go to and continue to drink, but it's just healthier in the long run to do this. I still plan on having a beer or something if I go out to eat at, say, Applebee's or something or if I'm not the one driving the car that night. Special events are also a reason to make an exception.

Usually, drinking would help me with my writing. It was the main catalyst in some of, what I feel are, the best poems I have written. Some of the greatest writers were drunks too (I think Hemingway was one). My writing will suffer because of this, but I haven't really been in the mood to write lately anyway. I think that's because I'm a bit happier than I was this time last year. I'm not as pissed off as I used to be.

Drinking was also a way to deal with the overall asininity of people. It was also a social lubricant in my case. I think I'll be a bit more shy now when I go out, but luckily I found a bar where I have become friends or good acquaintances with a good amount of people there, so hopefully things work out.

Another main reason for doing this is that my paternal grandfather was an alcoholic. He was a World War II veteran with a Silver Star and two Purple Hearts. He was injured in the war and was unable to walk well since then. He resorted to cheap whiskey as his comfort. Eventually he quit for a while, but then started up again after my Dad was out of college I think. I don't really remember how my Dad explained it and I don't feel like bringing it up again with him.

In my opinion, I thought I was going down that path. I thought I was using the bottle (or can as the case may be) for comfort. I thought I was using it to be my best friend when I already have good friends and family around me. It's not who I am and it's not what I want.

Goodbye old friend.

Any kind of Friday?

So, as some of you may or may not know, I have become more sociable since I have been on my own. There's really no reason to be anything else while on your own as you just become nothing ubt a recluse if you don't try and talk to other people.

Anyway, I started hanging out at this small Irish pub near my place when I moved out and I met a girl we'll call Deanna. Deanna is very attractive and very outgoing. I met her while some Killswitch Engage was playing on the jukebox and, being my usual self on a Friday night. was doing the whole air guitar thing. That's how our relationship started. So far, it has been nothing but a friendship. It took me three weeks to get her number because of how shy I am and how little I know about how to read body language and if a woman is interested in me.

I have friend saying she is interested in me, but I am not sure myself given my pessimistic and skeptical nature. I guess I am asking for advice in the matter, even though I probably shouldn't given all the ridicule that I might get.

Anyway, I really like this woman and would like to spend part of my life with her if the opportunity presented itself. Please tell me what I should do with the next step.

So it begins...

So, I had an account on LiveJournal and I have abandoned that and made a new journal. Why would I go to the trouble of making a new journal you ask? I was talking with my brother-in-law on Facebook Chat about how I have problems sleeping and he said writing in a journal helped him sleep better because he didn't have whatever was on his mind still on his mind when he went to sleep.

I have developed a mild case of insomnia, I guess. It's not to the point where I'm unable to sleep at all. I will just wake up 3 or 4 times during the night some nights and other nights I will be able to sleep through. I don't know if it's because I'm still not used to being in a different environment since I'm on my own or if it's just because I got my dad's genes and it was just inevitable for this to happen. I think, either way, this will be better because other people will be able to comment on this that aren't necessarily in my everyday life. I could have the same situation for LJ, but I had to make it private several years ago since people were vandalizing it for whatever reason.

With this, I start off with a clean slate and give other people some fodder for ridicule or comfort (whichever is easiest to digest?).

I will make another detailed post this evening. This was just an introductory post to pop the journal's cherry.